One Emotion

Thursday, 1 October 2009

I've felt empty, yet I have all reason to be feel complete. I am one emotion, in my own bubble drifting around, almost aimlessly – perhaps I'm lost; I'm certainly confused. Everything bounces back off of me, even the good things, the warm fuzzy feeling things become absorbed by the bubble and I carry on drifting...drifting. I find myself switching off, I can tell you're speaking to me but I can't hear what you're saying. I ask you to repeat it, but I'll just sit there staring a you blankly – the bubble muffles and distorts my sound, vision and sense of time. It's a shell, there to protect me, supposedly – but it's doing the complete opposite. It's smothering me. There is nothing worse that feeling out of control of your own body and mind, to the point where I am no longer a person but a big 'fuzz'. I've gone from having tunnel vision to having no vision and no reality, minimal functionality. These eyes aren't mine – I'm just watching what they see somewhere else.

Why has my defence mechanism switched itself on? Why am I malfunctioning?

I feel like I need a big slap in the face to wake me up, but nothing helps. I'll just carry on and hope for the best. One day I'll wake up, but I don't know what it'll take to get my hands on that red pill...

Don't get me wrong I'm not depressed or unhappy, just one 'blank' emotion. I'm a little lost and confused to say the least.